She saved my life?!?!
My cousin called me today, which is very rare. I am no longer going to smoke weed. She said she missed me (this is the only part of the conversation with my cousin the rest are thoughts) and I know I'm going crazy. I've felt it for years, and everyone said I should stop, but I never made it a real requirement. (My mind was racing and all of these are my thoughts and not the conversation with my cousin). I started to Google and it said right there that prolonged use of cannabis can cause psychosis. I feel it, my thoughts race, I hate myself, my thoughts and views aren't real. I don't do my school work, I have no social interactions, really... I feel so horrible about myself and it's time to change this. I need to stop I'm going to throw it down the drain (weed). I hear you God, Don stopped selling weed for me to stop smoking it. (My dealer had recently stopped selling) I've been thinking, a lot of the things around me have been signs from God. Like me seeing Danielle the one day that I didn't put my wig on my head. I finally decided to go natural and she said "it looks so cute". For the first time I'm goin to take heed and throw out this weed and no more weaves. I want something different I gotta make those necessary steps. THROW OUT THE WEED!!!! I want just one more spliff... just one! How about I promise that after this I WILL NEVER SMOKE AGAIN!!!!???? We'll see... but thanks Chrissy!!!
I am going to be my own best friend and allow myself to mess up and not look back and not be mad or sorry or unforgiving. I will do me and I will do my best for what I have!!!!
I smoked quite a bit after this entry, but am happy to say it's been over a week since my last spliff... YAY ME!!! I also smoked cigarettes for ten years and stopped that in February.
My mind often races and I fight with my demons out loud through my writing... I will continue to share my thoughts and hope you can follow the conversation.
Thanks for stopping by....
XOXO
Hopeful 2day
yeah, writing is probably the best thing you can do. I came across ur blog on a forum. And I must stay you have inspired me to want to start my own blog. You and I are pretty similar. Been through many therapist, psychiatrist, etc. Been in college for 5 years and probably 2 years away from a degree (if I can get it together) due to my struggles with my mental illness. And the whole weed thing, I get you there. I use to be a fan of all kind of downers. Alcohol and anxiety meds bein my deal (weed never altered me the way I wanted it to). Been clean 6 months now and tryin to get ready to go back into school(uhg). But hey, keep posting, I'll be following.
ReplyDeleteHi Adam,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by my blog, I truly appreciate it. Yea I have been thinking about the lack of resources out there for people like us and I think that we should definitely take the initiative to help each other. Let me know when you start your blog I will definitely follow it.
Best of luck with school... Hopefully we can help each other through it.
XOXO
Hopeful 2day