ABOUT ME

I am a 28 year old female who has been living with signs of mental illness since the age of fifteen. I have attempted suicide several times as a teenager, one of my many failures throughout my life. I also ventured in some self mutilation as a practiced cutter and overtly phonetic piercer. I have jumped out of a window, spent a few hours in jail, been in several physical altercations, and have an astronomical amount of broken relationships. YAY, isn't life grand?!?!

So... about me now, well I am in my trillionth year of university, which has expelled me twice, and I only have half the necessary credits to graduate. My life has been a perplexed adventure of discovery, defeat, and failures. Yet, my optimism, when it comes to visit, is scantily affected by 'failure' and only sees lessons learnt. Oh to understand myself is my ultimate purpose in life and to overcome the adversity that is my state of mind.

Now to get to the nitty gritty, my diagnosis.... HA! What a funny concept, to think I have A diagnosis. Hmmmm... where to begin? Well I have seen counsellors, family doctors, therapists, a psychiatrist (one time), and psychologists. I have been to many mental health clinics and institutes, including the hospital. Each person I saw offered me a different diagnosis, as I made a point not to volunteer any previous assessments. So for the list... *Ahem*

1. Borderline Personality Disorder
2. ADHD
3. Post- Traumatic Stress Disorder
4. Depression
5. Anxiety
6. Slight Psychosis
7. Dependent Disorder (huh!!?)

These are the recurring diagnosis that I have received and have been on two medications, neither of which I took regularly. I was first given Sertraline and had an allergic reaction to it, so I was put on Cypralex. It's still in the boxes... Why you might ask?! Well because I don't believe in medication as a long term solution and that's what I'm looking for. Not a quick fix. I don't want to be treated with pills, I want to have my mind changed and learn to perceive and understand why I think the way I do as well as how to change it. I want to learn how to think differently, like everybody else. I know what you're thinking, but I am not normal, so 'everyone else' refers to normal functioning. Anywho, to me medication doesn't solve the issue (or in my case issues), but simply masks them. I believe in the power of the mind and know in my heart of hearts it can be fixed without pills.

Anyways, I hope you come along my rollercoaster of emotions, endure my hardships, and be the friends that I so deeply desire.

Thanks for stopping by...

XOXO

Hopeful 2day