I can't believe how long it's been since I've written on my blog. I have taken a hiatus, but not purposefully. I have been in school since September, which has me on an emotional roller coaster. I am still experiencing such difficulties focusing on the most basic things and it's like no one truly understands. I am exhausted.... I found my diary from 2001 and guess what! I have the same hopes and dreams as I do now. I HAVE ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING! Do you know what that's like? Do you have any idea how ready I am to just call this whole thing quits? I don't know what to do or where I can go for help. My effin psychologist is a joke and has offered me absolutely nothing in terms of help. I'm so tired and heavy... sigh!
Anyways, I did not come back to rant per se, it just came out that way. To be honest things had been going relatively well all year, well at least in terms of my marks. I did take about a month off for Xmas break and had to miss a few exams...still I was able to recover. I recently took just over a month off now. I came up for reading week and never went back. Over the break a cousin of mine committed suicide. I didn't know how to feel at first, but then it was just shock. I didn't believe it and couldn't believe it because he was just a year younger than me. After a few hours I felt jealous. I was so jealous of his bravery, of where he was, of how sorry he had made everyone, and of how he let them know he was hurting. That feeling didn't last too long because then the anger came and was washed away by a wave of sadness.... I've been drowning in it ever since....
Thanks for stopping by....
XOXO
Hopeful2day
